캐스


untitled

2018-12-16 14:57, 5 months and 3 weeks ago
67121fa427c25a941a0aab88babcba9d


yesterday i was going to do it, i got everything in place, bath running, fresh saftey razor & enough pills to kill an elephant

slowly slipping out on conciousness has become something i think about almost all the time, my thoughts have been reduced to nothing but the cyclical flashes of what it’d be like to finally pass out

“die die die die die die die die die die die die die die…”

i felt my heart beating so hard, i was slightly concious of time. my mum left to a theatre a few hours prior and i did not know when she’d return

that’s one of the things i dislike about being at home; when i was back at uni i was left to my devices and able to do anything, at any time, now it feels like i have a constant watch over me: “we better keep watching them to make sure they dont cut themselves!!!”

i’d read that if i had a perfect level of accuracy in hitting my arteries i’d die within 1-2 minutes, the bath helps with stopping clots - as well as the aspirin - they act as anti coagulants.

i’ve given up, i dont feel like doing this anymore - everything has become tiresome and i barely care enough to get out of bed or eat

i havent left the house in so long - crowds of people scare me, voices talking over each other is so grating, they just all mix into one huge overwhelming wall of white sound

ive broken ties with everyone, i’ve either told them straightforwardly to fuck off or i’ve removed any option of communication

i thought before it would be good to leave some kind of permanent precence behind, ttxi.gq, but now i dont see a point - who cares what i have to say, nothing matters to me anymore

im just a waste, a useless collection of cells organised in a way to do as little as possible and wallow in self pity and self hatred as much as possible

i dont do anything i dont deserve anyone or anything except death

i’ll be alone for a few days soon, just a few more days