waiting2019-06-01 02:41, 1 week and 2 days ago
157 days left.
getting back to being sad again, yay - the person i was when i wrote my last post feels so foreign and fake, but i was excited for once for something.
life on pause, very un-fun, waiting all the while my brain turns into a metaphorical mashed potato out of inactivity. i don’t do anything, sleep, write some code maybe, watch the same things on youtube over and over, feels pretty lonely.
i tried getting a job, had an interview, just painful, i feel like they look at me with pity. pretty pissed off if i’m honest, burden, whatever
all that effort spent getting the highest grades for southampton was just a waste of time, a ticket for debt and ‘higher education’, i learned more the other week doing personal projects than i did my entire time at uni.
the only thing i can remember at this point is phasor transforms… totally useful irl right? employers basically sneer at my results and im pretty sure interviewers just see me as an arrogant shit for trying purport them as holding any actual importance.
i’m supposed to find a therapist to speak to on a fortnightly basis, can’t be really bothered, don’t want to talk to some shmuck who gets paid to give a shit about my woes