https://open.spotify.com/track/7HDIZXi2N3BjN0zHWxVWTs?si=ff71a2fce59c4da0
just because i hate myself doesn't mean i have to project those negative emotions onto others by being generally unkind - not in an intentional manner but just emanating that kind of aura of coldness you feel towards yourself
it's hard when you're occassionally passively suicidal to really want to say much to anyone, but i've been trying it to go out of my way to write/say positive things like; "thank you", "take care" & "have a nice weekend". even if you would never say those things to yourself/dislike being on the receiving because you believe you don't deserve such things, saying it to others i think makes you subconciously internalise those words
maybe another part of it is that noone is going to criticise you for being nice, so they're aspects of conversation that you feel the least self-concious about & ultimately closing with something like the above makes it less likely to overthink what was said prior
this post has been a weird mix of 1st/2nd person, probably because i don't like talking about myself